Celebrity Oops

Paris Hilton at a press conference for the "Bongo Virus New Year's Eve 2009 Party" in Sydney, Australia (12/31)

+ The paparazzi broke Jessica Alba's mirror [Drunken Stepfather]

+ Stephanie Seymour Bikini Pictures Back in Blue [Egotastic!]
+ Charles Barkley arrested for DUI [Just Jared]
+ Marisa Tomei topless videos from The Wrestler (NSFW) [TaxiDriverMovie]
+ Kim K bikini flashback [Bastardly]

+ The year's biggest "Oh HELL No!" moments [Lossip]
+ Mariah Carey gets drunk, is definitely not pregnant [Webster's Is My Bitch]
+ Jeremy Piven is a slut [Cele|bitchy]
+ Hostess' boobs try to escape [UBERGUY]

Kelly Brook bikini pics! (St. Lucia - 12/31)

Damn. What a tight body . . . I wonder how many hours a day he works ou -- errrrrrr tits.

Lisa Rinna bikini pics! (Miami - 12/30)

TV Guide reported earlier this month that Lisa Rinna is getting her own reality show on TV Land. Wow, just what I've always wanted to see: the crazy and unpredictable former host of Soap Talk dropping off her dry-cleaning. Will she go for the heavy starch or not?!! Ohhh, I'm on edge! According to insiders, the show's tentatively being titled Whoever's Idea This Was Is Fired. Seriously, who the hell is running TV Land? I think if you went to their headquarters and forced your way into the president's office, you might literally see a monkey behind the desk.

Debbie Gibson

Debbie Gibson at a handprint ceremony at Planet Hollywood in Times Square, New York (12/29)

NSFW!

Don’t click the picture. Just trust me dude, don’t click the picture.

Ashlee Simpson bikini pics!

Ashlee Simpson in the Turks and Caicos Islands (May 2008)

Matt Dillon's mug shot

I mean speeding. Sorry about that. From the Associated Press: 

Vermont State Police say actor Matt Dillon has been cited for speeding on an interstate highway. Dillon was charged with excessive speed after he was pulled over by a trooper on Interstate 91 in Newbury on Tuesday night. The 44-year-old actor was allegedly traveling at a speed of 106 miles per hour. The posted speed limit is 65 miles per hour. Dillon is set to appear in court on Jan. 21. (Source)

Wait . . . speeding? That's it? He wasn't drunk or high on coke? He didn't even run over a drifter or hit a girl scout that you swear you thought was a deer oh man what a fucking mess? What's up Vermont, why you gotta be like that? Why do you think we never invite you anywhere?

Defiant governor Rod Blagojevich has defied party leaders by naming Obama’s Senate Replacement in a surprise move on Tuesday. Blagojevich’s appointment Roland Burris adds racially charged heat to a fire already burning out of control.

“I was asked if he would appoint me, would I accept, and the answer is yes,” Burris said.

Senate Democrats responded with a statement that the appointment is not fair to Burris or the people of Illinois:

“It is truly regrettable that despite requests from all 50 Democratic senators and public officials throughout Illinois, Gov. Blagojevich would take the imprudent step of appointing someone to the United States Senate who would serve under a shadow and be plagued by questions of impropriety,” the statement said. said the statement.

President-elect Obama issued a statement supporting democratic leaders:

“Roland Burris is a good man and a fine public servant, but the Senate Democrats made it clear weeks ago they cannot accept an appointment made by a governor who is accused of selling this very Senate seat.”

Can we call this the Blackwater scandal yet?

  

Rumors have been flying that Mariah Carey has been knocked up by husband of the month Nick Cannon-Carey.

After taking a hyphenated last name from his wife, Nick may be doing whatever he can to prove that he is in fact a man.

Dane Cook robbed of millions of dollars

Dane Cook's brother/business manager was arrested yesterday after stealing millions of dollars from the comedian. From TMZ:

Darryl McCauley -- who was in charge of Cook's financial affairs since the 90s -- was arrested today by the Massachusetts State Police and charged with three counts of larceny and forgery. Authorities say in one case, Dane's bro forged a $3 million check and deposited it in his account. McCauley will be arraigned tomorrow in Woburn District Court. (Source)

I think we can all relate to Dane here. We've all had something stolen from us. Take my virginity for example. I'll never get it back. In some ways, I blame my parents. I mean, who pushes an 11-year-old into the rough-and-tumble world of international modeling? I was chewed up, blown, and spit out. You want in on a dirty little industry secret? It's not even about the fashion anymore, it's just about the hot sex.

After suffering a horrific 44-6 loss against the Philadelphia Eagles in Sunday’s game, Dallas Cowboy Tony Romo collapsed in the team shower. The naked and beaten Romo was helped up by his also naked teammates. I’m sure when Jessica Simpson arrived to the locker room to help, she must have been overcome by an intense feeling of déjà vu.  

Team trainers report that Romo sustained rib damage during the game. Doctors may be able to source some cartilage from Romo’s - girlfriend’s - sister’s - nosejob to repair the damage, as the cases of waste are said to be stored at a bulk storage facility in Simi Valley.
 

Beyonce bikini pics! (St. Bart's - 12/30)

Pretty much every celebrity is on vacation right now for New Year's. Pictured: Beyonce's ass in St. Bart's yesterday. Not pictured: Balance, athleticism, anything under a size XL.

These celebrities were born on December 31:

Joe McIntyre is 36.
Anthony Hopkins is 71.
Andy Summers is 66.
Ben Kingsley is 65.
Tim Matheson is 61.
Donna Summer is 60.
Bebe Neuwirth is 50.
Val Kilmer is 49.

Paris Hilton at the Wayne Cooper Boutique in Melbourne, Australia (12/29)

Tightasses in Australia are up in arms over Paris Hilton's $139-a-minute shopping spree earlier in the week. Shortly after her arrival in Melbourne on Monday, Paris dropped $5560 in 40 minutes of shopping at the trendy Wayne Cooper Boutique. From the Melbourne Herald Sun: 

World Vision Australia chief Tim Costello said Hilton's spree would have been enough to feed a Third World village.

"In World Vision terms, $5000 would ensure that a village of 2000 people in Africa or Asia would have clean water for the rest of their lives," Mr Costello said.

Open Family social worker Les Twentyman said Hilton's spree was disgraceful.

"It is quite obscene spending money like that. Some people are homeless and thousands of people a week are losing their jobs and it is quite obscene in some ways," Mr Twentyman said. (Source)

Amazing. In 40 minutes Paris spent enough money to feed an entire Third World village. Even more remarkable: In 30 minutes she could have serviced that same village.* In all seriousness, if Paris really wants to save humanity, she doesn't need to donate to relief agencies. She needs to set her uterus on fire.

*Maybe she already has

Eddie Murphy vacationing in St. Bart's (12/28)

+ Brandy has some nice sweater puppies [Hollywood Tuna]

+ Is that Samantha Ronson or a dude with Lohan? [Drunken Stepfather]
+ More Lily Allen Topless Pictures [Egotastic!]
+ Bill Clinton caught with a raging boner [College Humor]
+ Oxana Fedorova makes one-pieces look sexy [Holy Taco]

+ Angelina Jolie's uterus has had enough [I'm Not Obsessed]
+ Kristen Bell has no gag reflex [Popoholic]
+ Kevin Bacon and Kyra Sedgwick got scammed [A Socialite's Life]
+ Kanye West needs a Xanax or something [Dlisted]

+ Boobies Boobies Boobies [Double Viking]
+ Kim Kardashian needs to rethink her New Year's resolution [F-Listed]
+ USC football players are morons [Busted Coverage]
+ Top 10 women that should play the next Catwoman [Attuworld]

Catrinel Menghia

Romanian model Catrinel Menghia

Ludivine Sagnier is an up-and-coming French actress. She’s not afraid to appear topless and with breasts like these (and an Ass Like That), I see no reason why she should wear anything.

Update: Check out Ludivine Sagnier pubes - she’s blond all over and has a killer body!

Pamela Anderson at Malibu Beach (12/28)

+ Naomi Campbell is dating a billionaire [Drunken Stepfather]

+ J.Lo's rep denies marital troubles [Lossip]
+ Billie Piper Topless Breastfeeding Pictures [Egotastic!]
+ Maria Kirilenko (hot tennis player) wears underwear [TaxiDriverMovie]
+ Why does Lohan always look so surprised to see the paparazzi? [NewsToob]

+ Miley Cyrus gives her thoughts on the Israeli-Palestinian crisis [Holy Taco]
+ A true hottie in the wild [Double Viking]
+ Britney made a New Year's resolution [ICYDK]
+ Valda Silva is your afternoon pick-me-up [F-Listed]

[Flynet]

Giorgio Armani in St. Bart's (12/29)

I really hope I don't come off as gay here but I would totally fuck Giorgio Armani. What a piece of ass.

Britney Spears dating Sandip Soparrkar?

Britney Spears is rumored to be dating Bollywood dance instructor Sandip Soparrkar. Various sources are claiming that Britney even flew to India over Christmas to spend time with him. The two met last year during production of the music video for Britney's single Womanizer. A source told the Daily Mirror:

"It's early days but their romance is going from strength to strength. Britney and Sandip tried to keep their reunion in India hush-hush as they're determined to have a relationship just like any other couple. Sandip is very down to earth and keeps Britney grounded. He's also quite spiritual and sensitive, which is a side of him she adores. For Christmas, Sandip - or Sandy as Britney calls him - presented her with a traditional Indian sari. She wore it during a candlelit dinner. The pair were whispering and giggling all night. Sandy ordered local delicacies including chicken tikka and a cottage cheese curry. Britney was nicking the dough balls from his plate. It was really cute." (Source)

After K-Fed and Adnan, you'd think Britney would come to a realization about office romances. They don't work. Also not working? That pack of flavored condoms Britney keeps in her nightstand. Seriously, they always end up in her mouth. She thinks they're gum.

Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer probably possibly getting married. Maybe.

The National Enquirer claims that Jennifer Aniston is planning a wedding at her Beverly Hills home next year. I wonder if she's told John Mayer yet? "Surprise, we're getting married!" An insider told the mag:

"Although Jen recently denied having marriage plans in an interview, those closest to her know she will be getting married next year and is trying to keep her wedding a secret. Since this is her second time down the aisle, Jen wants a less formal, more intimate ceremony with no more than 100 guests. It's going to be at her Beverly Hills home, which she recently moved into. John is writing a love song for Jen as a wedding present, which he'll play during the ceremony."

After the reception, they hope to jet off to Punta Mita, Mexico, for
a honeymoon, the source added. (Print Edition - 12/29)

Jen's "trying to keep her wedding a secret"? This is Jennifer Aniston we're talking about, right? The same woman that pleads for privacy and then prattles on to interviewers about every detail of her personal life? With a mouth as big as her's, I'm surprised the exact locations of her wedding and honeymoon haven't been accidentally leaked yet. *Re-reads above article* Oh, wait . . . nevermind.

Daisy Fuentes

Daisy Fuentes at LAX airport (12/29)

Ana Beatriz Barros in the January edition of Men's Vogue (Brazil)

How embarrassing. You'd think with her high-paying modeling job, Ana would at least be able to afford some pants.

Drew Barrymore bikini pics!

Drew Barrymore in Kauai (Feb. 2007)

Tom Cruise leaving his New York apartment (12/8)

In what surely must be a true story and not an attempt to generate buzz for his new film Valkyrie, Tom Cruise is supposedly "living in fear" after receiving death threats. *rolls eyes* From the Daily Mail:

Sources close to the star, a leading Scientologist, say the threats are believed to have come from groups opposed to the religious organisation. The Mail on Sunday can reveal that security has been stepped up around Cruise, 46, Holmes, 30, and their two-year-old daughter Suri. The couple now live at separate locations and move around in bomb-proof vehicles. Other protesters have been angered by Cruise's portrayal of Colonel Claus von Stauffenberg - who was at the centre of the 1944 plot by Nazi officers to assassinate Adolf Hitler - in the film Valkyrie. Last week Cruise attended the Los Angeles premiere of the movie, which was targeted by protesters from the anti-Scientology group Anonymous. He has been forced to increase security around his family since then.

"The threats are perceived to be so great that the FBI has been alerted," said a source. "Tom is terrified. He doesn't feel safe anywhere."

Cruise has spent £5million on an underground bunker in the grounds of his estate in Colorado. In August, threats were made to place anthrax in the air vents of his Los Angeles office. (Source)

The transparency with which this column schemes to drum up attention for Tom's film is so shockingly brazen, it makes his sham religion look almost palatable by comparison. If Tom really wants to promote his film, he should just do what everyone else in Hollywood does to get press: Get married Have a kid Act stupid on national T.V. . . . Nevermind. Apparently he's tried every publicity gimmick in the book except the one we'd all like him to.*

*See: Hoffa, Jimmy